Saturday, October 16, 2010

First Page Blogfest!!!

Elle Strauss is hosting this fun blog today!!! Please check it out here!!

And here is my entry!! This is the opening page (well, first 250 words) to Spellbound!!

"Yes, Mrs. Vandewater, your daughter’s wedding bouquet will be delivered to your house by noon along with all of the attendants’ flowers,” Roda Morgan answered for the third time as she doodled on a yellow legal pad, taking the name Vandewater and added horns to the V and a pointed tail to the R.

As the owner of a service oriented business, “The customer is always right” became a motto she had no choice but to live by, regardless of how insane it sometimes made her. Numerous times she would have loved to chuck that motto right out the window, watching it splatter on the street like a water balloon tossed from ten stories up. What joy she’d have telling the customer exactly what she thought of them and where they could take their “one last question”. But in the end, her desire to please everyone won out.

“No, I will not get lost on the way to your house. I have the directions you gave me, plus printed directions off the Internet. I also have your home phone number, your cell phone number and your maid’s cell phone number programmed into my phone just in case.”

The door chime sounded and Roda looked up to find a wide eyed twenty-something. She had that dreamy look in her eyes and began browsing around the shop, stopping to caress a fluffy guestbook pen and smiled.

More screeching came from the receiver of the phone and Roda turned her attention back to this year’s Momzilla,

16 comments:

  1. Intriguing. I like the description: 'and added horns to the V and a pointed tail to the R'.

    Intrigued to know where this story is going. :O)

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  2. The 'horns to the V' part cracked me up too. Love it!

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  3. Thanks!!! I was kinda proud of myself for coming up with that one!! LOL!!

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  4. Love the horns and tail, this was a good read, i want to read more and would turn the page. i like how you get into your characters.

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  5. A great start with a likable character. Some interesting insights created with very few words. I love the idea of 'Momzilla' too!

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  6. You know exactly what kind of book you're reading from this first page. Can't wait to find out who the girl is....Nice job.

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  7. Interesting opening. Watch your tenses in the first paragraph.

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  8. Love the Momzilla! Fun beginning! Good job. :)

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  9. Loved the hook line and the bit about Momzilla. Totally hooked me and I'd definitely turn the page. Excellent job! :D

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  10. Great stuff. I loved the horns and tail thing too.

    The second paragraph did feel long to me. It might flow better if you split it up with her dialogue to the customer in the middle.

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  11. Hi Stephanie, I enjoyed reading this. I particularly liked the "adding horns and tail to the V", though I wonder if you could break the opening sentence in two to give it a bit more impact? Would definitely read on, thanks for sharing.

    Rach

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  12. Wow!!! Huge thanks to everyone for stopping by!!!!! So glad you enjoyed it!! And thanks for the tips!!!

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  13. "Numerous times she would have loved to chuck that motto right out the window, watching it splatter on the street like a water balloon tossed from ten stories up." Great bit here.

    Love the entire read and would turn on to find out more.

    Sharde

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  14. Hi,

    I loved Roda's cynical take on TCIAR Motto. She makes this opening come alive, and God knows what other descriptions will arise from her all seeing and all hearing take on life's irritations. She's a great character, and I'd read on because of her! ;)

    Over 40 participants - where is everybody?

    best
    F

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  15. so i missed most of your postings last week (our auditor is still here!) this is great! love it. i agree with just about everyone else ... love it!

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