Why being selfish makes you a good parent

I know many will not agree with this post, but these are my thoughts and feelings :)

These days it seems so many kids are just given things without earning them. They are never made to deal with their problems, and clean up their own messes. They're babied way past the infant stage.

I adore my kids and I love being a mother, but I will not baby my kids. I will not clean up all their messes. I will not do things for them that they can do themselves....or that they should be learning to do themselves. If this makes me a bad mother in your eyes, then there's nothing I can do to change that.

I know some some people may consider me a selfish person. I do things all by myself. I enjoy being alone, or just me and my husband. We like doing things without our kids. We spend money on ourselves. I like to wear nice clothes. I have hobbies I buy things for. I take a dance class. My husband likes to work on his hot rod and golf. It doesn't mean we love our kids any less by not spending every spare dime on them (Cause trust me, they have PLENTY!) I think it shows them a good example of making sure you cultivate your relationship with your spouse and also that you need to take time for yourself and treat yourself. I want my kids to grow up and know it's okay to do things just for them. Not all the time, but spoiling yourself is okay. More than okay. It's a necessary part of life. I think we're happier people, and happier parents, because we allow ourselves to still be us as individuals and as a couple. And I think that's a great example for kids.

I won't do things for my kids. I mean, yeah, if it's something they physically cannot do, I do it, but most things, I make them do themselves. My daughter is almost 10. She can get her own beverages, her own snacks. I don't need to do that for her anymore. She can clean her own room. She can hang up her own coat. Though I do fold the laundry, she has to put hers all away. But I'm sure soon that will change! LOL! When it comes to school work, she must do it all on her own. I won't help, other than to try and explain things and help her come up with the answer on her own. I never spell words for her if she asks. I say "How do you think it's spelled?" And she'll tell me. If it's wrong, I help her sound it out and figure it out on her own. (Cause let's face it, the english language is pretty damn confusing sometimes!) I think too many kids are waited on hand and foot. I want my kids to be mature responsible people...not lazy bums who will always expect to be waited on. And hopefully my example will show them they should not be the one waiting on people either.

I truly believe when a parent does too much for their kids, they are providing them a serious disservice. I feel my job as a parent, after love and affection, is to prepare my kids for their life. I can only shelter them for so long. There will come a time when they will need to survive on their own. It's my job to give them the skills to aid in that. And learning by example and experience is the only true way to learn anything.

At what point do you let go?

Parenthood is a never-ending cycle of not knowing what the absolute right choice is. Ever. Or maybe that's just me. But I struggle almost daily with what the right choices are. Some are easier than others, but some decisions are really hard. And at what point do you have to just step back and let them make their own decisions?

I feel I was very fortunate as a kid. My parents trusted me and trusted I was making the right choices. And I think it was pretty early on...like my senior year of high school when I was only 17. I had goals, I went after them, and they never told me I was doing something stupid. I graduated, went to college, got engaged, graduated, got a job in my field, got married, bought a house. Never once did they say "that's a stupid decision." Even now, as a 35 year-old adult with my own children, they never tell me what to do or that my decisions are wrong. Never once when my kids were babies did they try to tell me how I should take care of them, or how I should parent them.

I hope they know just how thankful I am for the way they've trusted me.

'Cause I see other parents who are parenting their 19-year old child like they are 5 years old. And me and my husband are the bad guys because we believe a 19-year-old "man" should be able to make his own decisions in regards to his education and career.

Doesn't there come a time when you really need to step back and hope the child you raised is smart enough to make the right decisions? And if they do make a mistake, as adults, they need to learn how to be responsible for that mistake and learn and grow and understand what it means to be a mature responsible adult.

I try real hard not to judge other parents....everyone has their own ways. But to me, this just seems like a way to hinder a child/adult's way of learning how to be an adult. And hindering a child's growth and development just seems wrong.