Technology in Contemporary Books

Tonight I'm hosting Chick Lit Chat on Twitter!! Come on by at 8 EST and use the hashtag #chicklitchat! Tonight's topic is technology in contemporary works!

My topic for tonight came from an old episode of Friends. I am a huge fan of the show and I'm in the process of watching the entire series from start to finish on DVD. In one of the early season's episodes, there was a big problem when some of the friends were supposed to be somewhere and they weren't and no one knew where they were and it turned into a huge problem. (I'm blanking on exact details, since I watched this episode a couple months ago.) But anyway, I sat here thinking to myself, "This would't even be an issue today since everyone has cell phones."

This made me think about technology, or lack there of, and it's place in contemporary work.

Obviously when this episode of Friends was made, cell phones existed, but not like they do in today's society. And even in later episodes--I'm now on season 9-- they all have cell phones, but they are old clamshell style. No smartphones. It sure dates the show. Which is perfectly fine for a TV series. But a book?

I see distinct advantages to leaving out as much technology as you can. Authors want their books to live on and be read for years and years to come. No one wants a reader to read it and think the same things I thought while rewatching an old TV episode.

But on the other hand, leaving technology out isn't the best option either. It's a part of our lives. Most people use cell phones, text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, etc…on a daily basis, not to mention computers, TVs, DVD, DVR, the way we listen to music. All these things evolve so fast. Something cutting edge now will be outdated in two years. I even think about a newbie writer working on their first novel. Usually it takes a while…years even. By the time it's done, the technology in that book is most definitely outdated.

But technology is a part of life, and leaving it out can make a contemporary piece of fiction feel very unrealistic.

Friends and our need for them

I have a great group of friends. We do so much together and have been there for each other for every single milestone in life to this point. We're all in our 30's, we're all married, we all have kids. There's been ups and downs and we've been there to support each other. And have had a blast. We're always doing fun activities. I know which ladies will be on my arm when I'm 80, still doing the fun things we've always done.

Recently there was some buzz about a Friends the TV show reunion and even a whole reunion season. I was ecstatic. It's one of my all time favorite shows. I just bought the entire series on DVD. I would LOVE to see how the characters I loved are doing ten years later. But all my hopes were dashed with an article stating this was not happening. Which was fine, but I completely disagreed with the reasoning.

The article I read- read it here- states the reunion is not happening because "Friends was about that time in your life when your friends were your family and once you have a family, there's no need."

O....kay.....so what about this awesome bond I have with my girls? And even some of the guys?

I sure as hell need my friends. And I plan on always needing them. I adore my kids, but sometimes I need to be with other adults. I need to let loose with my girls and have fun. We have strong bonds. No one else on earth can identify with me about life like they can. We laugh together, cry together, do silly crazy shit together! My kids and husband aren't going to see NKOTB with me! My girlfriends are! I'm living my life to the fullest and enjoying it and my friends are a huge part of that. My family is the other part. Both are very significant to me.

So fine...there won't be a Friends reunion, but don't use the lame excuse that no one needs friends once they have a spouse and family.

And to get technical, Ross and Monica were brother and sister, and married/ended up with two of the other friends, making them all family. So, 4 of the friends still see each other an awful lot. Well, in my imagination they do. :) So there!

Friendships and how they change over time

Been thinking about this post for some time now.

I have a great group of girlfriends. We do a lot together, just us girls, and also with our families. Some of them I've known since high school, others I met through one of those friends. One's even my cousin. We've all managed to do something many other women only dream of- we've stayed close for many many years.

Which is not to say there are never problems, but things get worked out. I try my best to work things out because I don't want to lose the friendships. I want to be 80 and linked arm in arm with my girlfriends, still doing the things we do now, still laughing our asses off, still being there for one another through bad times.

But I truly believe friendships change and evolve over the years. People change and evolve. None of the relationships I have with any of them are the same as what they were 10 years ago.

The older I get the more I understand that everyone needs to do what's best for them no matter what others think or say. People will judge no matter what you do, so you can only make yourself happy. I try not to be judgmental and always give the benefit of the doubt, though I am human and, therefore, not perfect. But I try and I think I am far better than I was even a few years ago.

I've been thinking a lot lately about friends who change. It may be for the better for them, and they are happy, but their changes sometimes change the bond you had. Common ground is gone. Opinions and feelings are different. It's sometimes hard to connect with someone who has changed their thoughts and beliefs. I don't look down on them for the changes they've made, especially if they are happy, but it does leave me feeling as if the friendship is not the same as it was. There is distance. It leaves me in a weird position. But I think it's completely natural to be closer to some people for a length of time, and then migrate toward others as our lives change.

Another thing I've learned over these years is the better you get to know others, the better a friend you can be to them. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs and it's great when you agree with people. But learning about people and how they deal with life, which is different than how other people, and you, deal with the same situation, allows you to be a better friend.

Just like marriage, friendships take work. Nothing worth having comes effortlessly. And bailing when things get tough is not the way to hold on to the things that matter.

Social media makes us LESS social?? I disagree.

Today I came across this Tweet: "If you think that social media, despite the name, hasn't made us less social than ever... you've got rocks in your head."

I think I get what the Tweeter is saying...that people rely too much on social media to communicate and less on actual face to face conversations and phone calls. But I really and truly think social media has made me closer and more in tune with my friends and family.

First of all....Facebook has allowed me to keep in touch with family members from all over the country...even the world. My cousin's husband was stationed in Germany for three years. Facebook allowed me and my cousin to stay in contact and chat whenever we wanted. It's been a long time since we've lived in the same town and FB made it possible for us to become close. And now that she's in Hawaii for the next 3 years, I can still keep in close contact with her. I am able to be a part of my friend's daily lives who no longer live in this area. It allowed me to get to know a cousin I never really knew because she was born and grew up a few states away. Until FB, I had only even seen her a few times in my life. Now, in our mid 30's, I can finally consider her a real friend.

Secondly, I am a mom with a career and kids with activities who has friends with careers and families and activities. I do not have time to go have coffee with every one of my friends and family members each week to see how they are and catch up on their lives. As much as I would love to. Life is different these days. It's not like the 50's when most moms were home all day and could get together and chat. But you know what? I can hop on Facebook for twenty minutes and be caught up on all my friends and their families and what they're doing, have a few laughs, view some photos.

Third, social media has allowed me the opportunity to make friends all over the country and world, who I never would have had the chance to meet otherwise. Wonderful and amazing people. Sometimes you need to go outside your circle of friends to find the support and camaraderie you need. I am a writer and no one I knew in my day to day life did that. I found a writers group in my city from an online community. And they were great. I adored them. But still, none wrote what I wrote and I really craved kinship with those like me. And I found them. Social media helps people to not feel alone. There are people out there just like you, loving what you love, no matter what it is. And technology has allowed us to connect easily.

So, I don't know what you all think, but I guess I have rocks in my head. I am so so thankful for what social media has done for me. No, it's not perfect and it has its drawbacks, but when used properly, it is amazing. There has to be balance, just like all things in life. It should not replace all human interaction, but it is great for when face to face human interaction just isn't possible. But when you are in the presence of other humans, the phones should be put away.

Is Twitter for you?

I started a Twitter account a while back...and I won't lie. It's main purpose was to stalk follow celebrities. It was pretty cool to read the daily thoughts of people I admired and idolized.

But then I started realizing it might be a good idea to get on there and network with many of my fellow authors. So I started a new account, since the first was not my actual name. (The one I use now is @stephanihaefner, in case you wanna go follow me!) I started following writers I already knew and agents I wanted. I started making lots of friends and it started to be really fun. I gained a small following and it was so cool. And yeah, I still follow celebrities ;)

So is Twitter for everyone? No. It really depends on what you want to gain from social networking.

If you want to share photo albums, keep in touch with family and friends, send lengthy private messages, and organize events, Facebook is definitely far better for all that. Twitter is tough, with it's 140 character limit and all.

If you want to meet new people with similar interests, Twitter is the place. In my opinion, since Twitter has a very limited profile page--bio is all you have and it's pretty short-- to me it feels a bit more private. There's no pics of me, accept my one profile pic. There's none of my kids. It's simple. And I feel like it's a better place to converse with people you don't know in real life, if that makes any kind of sense.

If you're looking to network and meet people in your line of business, Twitter is DEFINITELY the place to be. I have made SOOOOOOO many connections there and found out about so many opportunities. Invaluable! :)

And if you want to stalk celebrities, definitely check Twitter out! :) It really is cool :) And you just never know when one will actually reply to you! Just today I was beyond ecstatic to get a RT (that's retweet, for those of you not versed in Twitter-speak) and a direct Tweet from Josh Henderson, one of the hotties on the new Dallas (the hottest, IMHO!) Many celebs post pics you wouldn't get to see otherwise. Very cool stuff :)

If you like to keep up on news, current events, anything happening in the world or in your town, with up-to-the-minute posts, Twitter is for you. I follow several news outlets, including my local newspaper. They update throughout the day with breaking news.

I really love Twitter...far more than I ever expected.

So, do you Twitter? Why? What do you like about it? What do you hate?

I'm read all over the world!

I have to say, one of the coolest things about writing this blog is connecting with people from all over the world.

Years ago, before the internet and all it's glory, I NEVER would have thought I'd get the chance to meet and chat with people on the other side of the globe. Well, I guess that's a lie. When I was a kid I had two pen pals. One was from England and the other Italy. It was so so cool to get their letters. I wrote back right away and couldn't wait for the next to come. My penal in England even sent me gifts from time to time. So so cool!! :)

Ever have a penal when you were a kid???

And then the internet made it possible for anyone to make friends with people from any country. Kinda made the earth not seem so big anymore :)

I periodically check out where my blog hits come from and MANY of them come from Russia! Hello friends!!! Thanks for stopping by!!!!

Changes.....

Some people say "People never change." I really don't believe that. I think people can change for the better if they want to. Bad habits can change if people give it their all and really want to change.

And I don't know a single person who can say they don't know someone who has changed for the worse at some point in their life.

But what about when people change and it's not good or bad, just different? Sometimes people do change and they may be the person they want to be and all, but they've changed so much that other people can't connect or identify with them anymore. People who were once the best of friends no longer are...they just don't have the common ground anymore.

I have a group of friend and I honestly wanted to be tightly wound with these women for the rest of my life. On many occasions I'd envisioned us in our 70's still getting together, still laughing, still enjoying ourselves and going on adventures. But now it seems the dream is fading. I don't feel as connected to all of them anymore. They've changed.

I guess I can't say that I haven't changed. I hope I am becoming a better person. That's my goal. But I want to still be the same person too.

I have tough skin...but sometimes......

In the book business...you have to develop a tough skin. Everything is so subjective. One person could love your book and want to read it a million times. Others just can't understand it and barely read a chapter. I've built my tough skin over the last few years. With agents and publishers, I've been rejected a zillion times and the one yes completely erased all that hurt.

But now that my books are out there for the world, the tough skin is even more necessary. Now there are reviews. I have gotten some not so great reviews and I honestly do use them as motivation to keep working hard. I don't take them all too seriously because I know I can't please everyone and would never ever even try.

The other day though....one extremely harsh review really stung. Not because of what was said...I expect it....but because of who wrote it. It was someone I know. A friend I made online several years ago on a message board community.

Now I NEVER expect my friends to adore my writing. I know it's not for everyone. I am always completely grateful when someone I know reads my books. Honestly, I am super nervous too. If they don't really like it, then I feel like I need to refund their money or something! LOL! But even my mom didn't love my first book. It was a little too steamy for her liking. I understand that. I get that.

What I don't get is why a "friend" would write a completely harsh review on a public forum. I expect it from strangers. I don't expect "friends" to put out negativity on my career. I would never ever expect a friend to lie and say they loved my book if they didn't, but if they really did hate it, as a friend, shouldn't the proper thing be to do nothing at all???

It just did not need to be said. And the more I thought about it and the things they had been said, I don't think they even read romance. If they did, they would understand the genre and understand that it is not odd for characters in a romance novel to fall in love after only four encounters. (And BTW...this was a romance novella...it was only 40 pages....so yeah...the people had to fall in love fast!) But the soft porn comment got my blood boiling a bit. And the review hadn't mentioned one good thing at all. Even if this "friend" hated my book, shouldn't they still want to see me succeed?

I know many writers do not read reviews at all...for this very reason. And I did not engage with the person. But I do like to read reviews. I can't help it...the good reviews are like crack and keep me motivated...confirming that I am right to be pursuing this dream.

I don't want to discourage people from sharing their true feelings, but there are right and wrong ways to do it.

Spiraling into the abyss.....

Not me...but a friend. And I just don't know what to do.

One of my dear friends is starting to spin out of control. And I just don't know what to do. Obviously she can't see it....very much in denial. At what point do you risk the person hating you by stepping in and intervening?? I worry about what might happen if no one steps in and insists she gets the help she desperately needs. But I think we all know a person can't get help for something if they are in denial about the problem.

And of course my wandering mind sometimes goes very dark..and if something really bad happens...how would I feel if I'd sat here and done nothing? I could have done something to help...to stop it...to change it.

Ever consider trying a Raw Diet??

Whenever I think of this diet, I always call to mind the episode from Sex and The City, when they go to the Raw Restaurant. In the end, Samantha wants what's not on the menu...and ends up with their hot waiter in the back room.

But anyway, my good friend Marek is trying the Raw Diet to help find a healthier way of life. Please stop by his blog, Eating Raw Foods, and follow his journey!

Complete honesty????

In the writing world, we want complete honesty. We know, as writers, that we cannot learn and grow without our readers; beta readers, critique partners, writers group members, giving us complete and utter honesty. A smile and "It's so awesome!" does not help. We know what to do when we're feeling down and need a pick me up: Mom. But to help ourselves grow as writers, we need to know what our writing is missing...even if the truth hurts. And sometimes it does sting. Sometimes at first we look at the critique and say "What???" But usually we come to accept the critique and take what we need from it and fix what needs to be fixed.

But what about our personal lives? What about our friends and family? Is complete honesty the absolute best policy, especially when you know your comments will make someone angry.

I've been in the position many times. For most of my life, accept with my writing partners, I stick with the mantra: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But what should you do when you see someone, a friend, and they are obviously blind to something going on in their life. Something that could result in someone being hurt. And they just don't see it. But you know, without a doubt, that your saying something will cause them to be angry with you...possibly ending their friendship with you. Do you take the chance and say something anyway...or just let them go on in their bubble?

It's easy to say that if the person is really a friend, they will listen and take your concerns seriously...but we all know that's not how real life always is. People get defensive and feel like they're being judged.

I've got over 100 Followers!!! So Awesome!!!

Wow! I am beyond amazed!!!! And eternally grateful to each and every person who has been following my journey for months and also the new followers who have just joined!

When I started this blog, I planned on doing it to "build my platform" and make a name for myself on the internet. What I hadn't expected were the friendly faces and thoughtful posts I received! I made friends out here in Bloggerland! And you have all given me such wonderful support and advice and hopefully i have enriched your blogging experience too!!

I wish you all the best of luck in your endeavors! Most of you are fellow writers and we're all on this crazy, winding, twisting, uphill path together! It's so nice to have people to share the joys and sorrows with!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

My PSA for the day...

Friends don't let drunk friends go to the bathroom alone.

I was at an after Christmas party a few days ago. It was held at a venue downtown..a club sort of place where concerts are sometimes held. The party had a DJ spinning 90's tunes and there were two performers: an ACDC cover band and Tone Loc. My good friend wanted to go to celebrate his birthday (which was on Christmas), so a bunch of us went. It was only $20 a person if you bought your ticket before a certain date. Oh and it included open bar from 10 till 2.

We had a fantastic time- dancing and belting out the lyrics to the songs we jammed to in high school. Drinks were flowing and going down quite nicely but we are a pretty responsible bunch and know our limitations. We make sure there are DD's and everyone gets home safe.

And I was never so thankful for my fantastic girlfriends as I was when I stood waiting in line in the bathroom. From under one of the stalls you could see a women, obviously extremely plastered, who was sitting on the floor. Half her butt crack was hanging out. Then she layed down.

Now if you've never been to something like this...imagine for a moment, a public bathroom, disgusting enough on it's own, but now people are spilling drinks. The floor is sopping wet with a mix of liquor and who knows what else. I was completely grossed out when the hem of my jeans got all wet...imagine that all over your body. Yuck...gross...hand me a gallon of hand sanitizer.

So anyway, this girl is laying on the floor and she's crying. She sits up and she's obviously trying to open the door and she can't. Her shoes came off...so now she's barefoot. Those of us on the outside are now trying to help her. One girl somehow gets in and is helping her. I go to the bathroom and leave.

But the whole time I'm wondering...where the hell are this girl's friends??? There was no one there with her.

So my advice this New Year's Eve...please....don't let your drunk friends go to the bathroom alone...you just never know when they'll end up alone on the floor crying.

Have a fun and safe New Year's Eve celebration! And be responsible!!

Do you do Facebook???

I used to be a huge Myspacer...but it got old after a while. Then poeple started migrating to Facebook. I didn't know what the heck it was and wasn't interested. And then I checked it out about a year and a half ago...took some getting used to...but now I am I love!!! I log in several times a day and really really enjoy reading little snippets and updates from my friends, seeing their pictures and sharing mine. I feel far more connected with the poeple in my life because of Facebook. Some I just don't get to see in real life as often as I'd like. And catching up with old friends is priceless. You lose touch with people over time...it just happens, and Facebook helps make the reconnections possible!

And I can't deny the awesome networking capabilities!!! Wanna be my fan???

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/Stephanie-Haefner/99513980888?v=wall&viewas=652197599&ref=search

Want to read some fantastic poetry???

My dear friend, Denise Amodeo Miller just released her first book of poetry!! She is really fantastic! Her style is very earthy, sensual, womanly. We love hearing her newest creations at writer's group meetings!!

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/force-beyond-lace/7059509