Friendships and how they change over time

Been thinking about this post for some time now.

I have a great group of girlfriends. We do a lot together, just us girls, and also with our families. Some of them I've known since high school, others I met through one of those friends. One's even my cousin. We've all managed to do something many other women only dream of- we've stayed close for many many years.

Which is not to say there are never problems, but things get worked out. I try my best to work things out because I don't want to lose the friendships. I want to be 80 and linked arm in arm with my girlfriends, still doing the things we do now, still laughing our asses off, still being there for one another through bad times.

But I truly believe friendships change and evolve over the years. People change and evolve. None of the relationships I have with any of them are the same as what they were 10 years ago.

The older I get the more I understand that everyone needs to do what's best for them no matter what others think or say. People will judge no matter what you do, so you can only make yourself happy. I try not to be judgmental and always give the benefit of the doubt, though I am human and, therefore, not perfect. But I try and I think I am far better than I was even a few years ago.

I've been thinking a lot lately about friends who change. It may be for the better for them, and they are happy, but their changes sometimes change the bond you had. Common ground is gone. Opinions and feelings are different. It's sometimes hard to connect with someone who has changed their thoughts and beliefs. I don't look down on them for the changes they've made, especially if they are happy, but it does leave me feeling as if the friendship is not the same as it was. There is distance. It leaves me in a weird position. But I think it's completely natural to be closer to some people for a length of time, and then migrate toward others as our lives change.

Another thing I've learned over these years is the better you get to know others, the better a friend you can be to them. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs and it's great when you agree with people. But learning about people and how they deal with life, which is different than how other people, and you, deal with the same situation, allows you to be a better friend.

Just like marriage, friendships take work. Nothing worth having comes effortlessly. And bailing when things get tough is not the way to hold on to the things that matter.

Life: Pre and Post Parenthood :)

Sometimes I sit here and think of how EASY life was before we had kids. We went where we wanted, when we wanted. We saw every new movie, we hung out with our friends every weekend. On our days off we did absolutely nothing if we wanted...just sat and watched TV...the shows WE wanted to watch. The house was clean 95% of the time.

Every decision we made we only had ourselves to think about. I was just talking with a friend today about the things we used to buy pre-children. We were talking about furniture. When hubby and I got married way back in 1998, we bought these awesome cream couches with a coordinating accent chair. To go with them, wrought iron glass topped tables. Not the ones where the glass is encased in wood. These were just a piece of glass laid over the wrought iron, some little rubber things to keep it from moving around. They were so cool. So chic.

And then we got a dog, who slobbered on the tables constantly. And put his dirty paws on the furniture. And then we had a kid, who spilled things on the couch and we had to get rid of the glass so she wouldn't fall on it and slash her head open. We were pretty darn crafty though and after taking the glass off, attached foam-covered plywood and covered it with fabric for a DIY ottoman.

A few years later we moved and had a second kid. We were FAR smarter with our furniture purchases this time around- dark brown micro fiber couches and chair and a matching ottoman :) I love that furniture, and for more than just the fact that it is easy to clean and no one will die if they fall on it. It's way comfy!

Now this post may be read by non-parents and they may say, "That's why I'm not having kids!" Yeah, it is a major lifestyle change, and not all of it is pleasant. There's lots that is unpleasant. But my kids are the light of my life. They have improved my life in so many ways. We may not be able to hang out and drink every Saturday night with our friends anymore, but we can go to bounce houses and jump around and not look like pedophiles! We get to enjoy so much in life through the eyes of our children, things we would never do as adults, simply because we just wouldn't think of them. The zoo, the children's museum, pumpkin picking, holiday festivals to see Santa, the circus, Disney movies, Disney on Ice! And yes...I'm gonna say it: Chuck E. Cheese. We have just as much fun as the kids! I swear, my husband won them a solid 500 tickets on the basketball game last time! Life as a parent is hard, but it's so great too!

And when times get really rough, I think about when it was just me and hubby. And I know we'll get back to that. It's a few years away, but little by little, it's coming. Our son is in preschool now, so on days when hubby is off from work mid week-which is often-guess what?? Date for me and him! But I won't wish away this time. The kids are only little once. We try to enjoy every phase as much as we can. Take full advantage of it all.

Balance

Life is all about balance, at least for me anyway. I strive to find the middle ground between what I want to do, what I should do, what needs to be done. I truly believe it's the best way to be happy. And my idea of balance is probably different from others...but I feel it's important to find your own balance and make your life as happy and stress free as you can :)

One thing people struggle with, especially moms, is the balance between careers and family. I'm lucky in that I was able to achieve the perfect balance, in my opinion, anyway :) I knew years ago that when we had kids, I wanted to stay home with them. Not a stay at home mom--not that there's anything wrong with that at all--but it's not me. I knew I would still need the satisfaction and accomplishment of a career. But I also wanted the accomplishment of raising my kids myself. Not that I see anything wrong with moms who choose to have a career outside the home and hire a caregiver for their children. But for me, the perfect balance was being home with the kids, but also pursing a successful fulfilling career. I was in a line of work that allowed me that luxury, so I took full advantage and worked from home. It wasn't without it's drawbacks, of course. I did earn less money than I would have staying at my job. But for me, the benefits outweighed the loss of income. I was happy, the kids were happy, hubby was happy. It gave our life a flexibility we wouldn't have had otherwise, especially with the work schedule my husband has--he doesn't have a typical 9-5 weekend off kind of job. For us it was the perfect balance. It's changed a bit over the years and I've changed careers, but it still works.

Another place in life I feel that needs balance is diet and exercise. Obviously it is not in anyone's best interest to eat fatty sugary foods all day every day. It leads to a slew of health problems. But in my opinion, eating what I like is a big part of being happy. I openly admit it- I love to eat awesome food!!!! I'm so not an eat bland food all day every day kind of gal. I like sweet things. I like rich things. I love cheesy things!!! But of course I don't eat them everyday. And I work hard finding new recipes to make and find things we love that are lower in calories and fat. I also go to the gym and exercise very regularly to keep my body healthy. Its good for my heart and off sets the splurge meals I eat occasionally. For me, it's a perfect balance.

Another area of life that needs balance is work and play. Working all day everyday is not good for you, and neither is playing all day every day. We need to work, but we also need to play. Work, obviously, we need to do to earn money to pay for the necessities in life. Play is essential for lowering stress and relaxation, our mental health. Finding the balance is sometimes hard. But I make time for fun, even if it means letting the dishes and laundry pile. I'll never get this time back with my kids. I'll never be this age again and able to enjoy everything. I don't want to be 80 and look back, regretting that I did not make enough time to enjoy myself and my life.

So, how about you guys?? Do you struggle with balance, or have you found it?