Are you a quitter???

Ever since I started writing with the purpose of completing a book, and then getting that book published for the world to enjoy, it's been hammered into my head that only those who work hard and never quit succeed. Makes sense. But when I first started writing, I NEVER thought it would be so damn difficult.

My whole life I was taught that with hard work, you will get where you want to go. If you want to be a doctor, you go to school, get good grades, work hard, and eventually you will be a doctor. But with writing, it's not that cut and dry. You can work hard for years and go no where.

There are so many factors that can keep a writer from achieving their dream. Something as small as your book is too quirky. You need to write something that is popular enough to be accepted by the masses, but different enough to stand out from what's already been written. Take an old idea and put a completely different spin on it...but not too different or far fetched. At least in contemporary romance, which is what I write.

And the writing has to be perfect. For the most part, I think I have that down. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but my grammar is pretty darn good. My style is smooth. I've developed my own unique voice. It's taken quite a few years but I am really excited to have a style I love and one that is fun and flirty and really represents me. But obviously it's not enough to get me where I want to go.

Quitting has crossed my mind on several occasions. And again very recently. A couple weeks ago I had the worst week in a long time. Rejection after rejection. I'm not a quitter...never have been. (Well, once. I did quit dance class when I was 12. It wasn't fun anymore when the teacher was yelling at us when we didn't do a step properly.) But never in my life have I felt so downtrodden....hopeless. In my first career, I worked hard, perfected my craft, made a successful business. It was all pretty easy. This is not. I know nothing worth having comes easy, but I'm getting to the point where I just wanna scream, "Come on, already!" How much rejection can a person take--should they take-- before they throw in the towel? Was I crazy to think I could stand out in such an over saturated talent-filled industry?

Need to be Bold and Brave??

When I first started this blog...way back when...one of my first posts asked how one becomes bold. I wasn't published then and was a ways away from my first book release. But an author friend of a friend of a friend gave me the advice to break the rules and put myself out there. I am normally a very strict rule follower, so for me, the concept was completely foreign. But I knew I needed to learn how to be bolder and braver.

3 years later, "How to be bold" is still one of the search phrases that brings people to my blog.

So what have a learned in the last 3 years since that post? Well...a lot. Mainly though, I've learned that no one will hand you what you want. You need to go out there and get it yourself. Keep working...HARD...no excuses. Only those who quit never find success. Learn all you can, learn from others, seek out help. And when it comes to finding boldness and bravery...well...all I can say is you gotta put your big girl panties on and just do it. ("It" being whatever it is you want.) Stop worrying what others will think. Stop worrying you will suck.

I read once that bravery isn't the absence of fear--it's having fear and choosing to rise above it. Words to live by.

Switching careers....pretty scary.....

I'm sure we all remember back to high school when we had to fill out college applications and choose a major. If you think about it, it's pretty ridiculous to ask a 17-year old what they want to do with the rest of their lives. We mature so much after high school and our tastes change.

I had lots of interests back then. But I was lucky. I attended a vocational high school and already had more than 3 years of vocational education under my belt when I filled out college applications. I had already known one thing I definitely liked to do- floral design.

My high school was not one you just went to. Growing up in a large city- Buffalo, NY- there were many high schools to choose from. You had to apply, just like college. Of course, every neighborhood had their district school, where you went if you didn't get into your 1st, 2nd or 3rd choice schools. But you didn't want to go there unless you had to. There were so many other schools to pick from: a couple vocational schools, a technological school, a performing arts school, more... I chose McKinley High School and its Horticulture program. I can't even begin to tell you why...I was 13 and it sounded fun. But I've always been an artsy craftsy kind of person and came to find a real love for floral design.

But by the beginning of my senior year, there were other things I liked too.

I was the reporter for the FFA chapter at my school. I loved writing about club happenings and seeing my name in lights (or rather black print) in small local publications and also a state-wide paper. I won the NY State FFA Reporter's Award that year. I applied to two different colleges- Alfred Sate College for Floriculture Merchandising (to learn to run a flower shop), and Buffalo State College for Journalism.

I chose Floriculture and to this day have no real reason as to why.

I graduated with honors from Alfred State College and went on to work at a couple different flower shops, settling at one and became one their top employees- trusted with most of the shop's displays and about 95% of wedding work (my favorite!) I left there to start my own home-based business when my daughter was born and thoroughly enjoyed that. I wanted to be one of the top wedding florists in Buffalo! And I wanted to add Bridal Consultant to my title as well.

But reality set in and the insane amount of hours I put in was not matched by dollar signs.

And I started writing again.

I finished my first novel and felt so incredibly accomplished. All I wanted to do was write! My love for my floral business started to fade even though I forced myself to go on. My heart was not in it anymore.

Then I had to make a decision....one that was much easier than I thought it would be. I thought my husband would fight me on giving up my income, as little as it was. But he didn't. I officially gave up the business and made plans to pursue a writing career full time. I was due with our second child and we decided I had a 5-year time limit to make it as a writer. And when I say "make it", that meant I had to be bringing in some kind of money. If I didn't make that happen before my son went off to full day kindergarten, I would have to go out and get a part time job. And I did not want that at all.

So here I am...my son just turned two. My debut novel, A Bitch Named Karma, will be out this year from Lyrical Press. I am determined to be successful. People often comment on my determination....as terrifying as it was to go from a sure-thing career to one that "might" happen one day, I just cannot let myself be a failure.

Do you ever stop seeking your parent's approval??

My parents were so proud when I went off to college...neither of them have even graduated high school...it was the 60's...it wasn't a huge deal back then...they both had jobs, not anything fancy or high paying, but we survived. So, going to college was a huge deal. I got grants, some small scholarships/awards...but it didn't cover everything. Mom and dad had to take out a loan that they had to start paying on right away.

Two years later I graduated with my Associates degree in Floriculture Merchandising. I immediately began working on my field as a floral designer. My school loan deferrment period ended and I started paying it back...I offered to pay back my parent's loan too...they refused.

I worked as a floral designer for several years, in flower shops and then on my own when I started my home-based business. For much of it, I loved it...I had passion for it.....I wanted to be a big success. Then reality set in as I worked hours and hours for very little money. My husband and I debated on opening a store...but that only meant more overhead and no garantee on making more money. Around that time I started writing and fell in love with it. I found myself at a crossroads, either keep on doing what I was doing, or make a career change. If I'd been making a boatload of money, the decision would have been easy. In the end, there were just too many cons to keeping the business, so I closed up shop. After 10 years in the floral industry, I was done...and my school loans were finally paid off!

Then I told my parents my decision. My mom understood....she wanted me to be happy...and she reads a lot so she was excited for me. I showed her my small successes at the time...a couple flash fiction publications and told her about my acceptance for an anthology. Dad....he just didn't get it. He didn't understand why I was giving up my business. He asked if I was going back to work at a flower shop....I told him no. He wanted to know if I was getting some other kind of job. He didn't understand the writing thing.

He dropped it after that, but I felt like I had dissappointed him. Money has always been tight for them, so I know how big of a deal it was for him to pay the school loan they took out for me.

I've told him about my publishing deal...but still...it's not going to be a physical book that will be sold in a book store...it's not a product he an hold. (I'm being epublished).

I hope someday he can understand what I do now and I hope I'll have significant success to prove to him my decision was not a wrong one....and that although I no longer do what my education taught me...it wasn't a waste. I'm still a success and that path led me to where I am now.