Men are from Mars....

And I'm starting to think they don't have much parental instincts there.

So, this morning after the gym, I was in the shower and hubby came in to use the toilet, as I'm sure most married couples do. We chatted a few minutes and heard the door knob jiggle.

He yelled to our 4-1/2 year old son. "You can't come in. I'm going to the bathroom." And then said to me, "Don't worry. I locked the door."

I said, "Why? What if he needs something?"

He said, "What can I do? I'm on the sh$&^er?"

And I replied, "So, if he cut his finger off, you'd say 'Sorry. Can't help you. I'm on the sh&^*er.'"

He said, "Oh. Yeah. You're right."

(LOVE hearing that!)

It's no fun to be interrupted while using the bathroom, and 99% of the time it's for stupid things like the kids asking for snacks or wanting a DVD put in. But I always leave that door unlocked. You just never know when they will need me for something really really urgent.

I've been a mother now for 9-1/2 years. My maternal instincts had kicked in immediately. It was second nature to prepare for all the "what ifs" life could throw at us. I am always the one who's prepared when we go anywhere. I'm the one who thinks to grab bug spray, sunscreen, wippees, medications, sunglasses, hats, etc... Often Hubby says to me, "Oh, good thing you thought of that!"

Why don't men have these same instincts? Or is it just my man who doesn't? He once wanted to go out in the garage and weld things while I wasn't home. Wanted to leave our son in the house playing. I said, "Um, I don't think so. You can't even hear him when you're out there welding." The garage is connected to our house and there is a door separating it from the playroom/den where the kids spend most of their time. But still.

So, is this just another one of those things that separates men from women?? Do women just naturally have these instincts? I feel as if I am always on high alert. I can never fully relax until my kids are safely tucked into bed. Hubby doesn't seem to be the same way...not that he doesn't care and is unable to properly care for the kids...his brain just doesn't think the way mine does all the time. And I do think his operates different when I'm not around. Does his brain get lazy when I am around??

As a romance writer and writer who is constantly exploring relationships between men and women, I'm really intrigued.

Trust???

Trust is a huge thing. If it's broken, it can often mean the end of a relationship. But how do you build it to begin with?? Do you just offer it, no questions asked??? If two people can't trust each other when they are first getting to know each other, then how can they ever form a relationship??

This trust issue with new people comes up for me often. My daughter is 8, almost 9, and has lots of friends in school. And occasionally a friend she has never played with before will call and ask my her to come over. We're kinda past the age where it's acceptable for a mom to go along on a playdate and monitor, ya know? So I'm stuck. I'm not real comfortable letting her go to a home where I don't know the parents, but it is wrong for me to treat the people like psychopaths and child molesters. I wouldn't want someone to think that of me and my husband.

So I'm left having to ignore the paranoia and just offer some trust. We have the "talk" with my daughter often. "No one is allowed to touch your private parts." "If someone tries to touch your private parts, call me right away." "If someone tries to make you do something you don't want to do, get out of there." She rolls her eyes and sighs "I know" every time. And when she comes home, we always ask for a rundown of the playdate.

There is one friend in particular that I do not trust the parents. The mom just seems unstable and the dad...well...he does give me a weird child molester vibe. The mom has damaged my trust in her on more than one occasion. So when they call, I try to find any excuse for my daughter not to go to their house. I do feel bad for the boy though...it's not his fault his parents are weird.

Moms and dads...how do you deal with these situations?

The Joy of Being an Adult!

How many times did your parents say these things to you, or have you said them to your kids?

"No candy before lunch."

"Cookies are not a meal."

"Put your coat on before you go outside."

"Clean your room."

"Go to bed at a reasonable time."

"You can't lay there and watch TV all day."

I know my parents said those things to me as a kid. I say them to my kids now. But ya know what, sometimes I completely go against those rules for myself. I know there have been times, many times, I have eaten cookies or cake as a meal. I've stayed up waaaaaaaay later than I should have watching stupid TV or reading a book or playing on the internet. Many times I have gone places and left my coat in the car- who wants to carry a winter coat in the mall? And oh yeah...on a lazy Sunday...I've definitely laid and watched Tv all day.

And I can do these things because I am an adult and there is no one to tell me I can't! LOL!

But I also know they are not the best things for me and I don't do them all the time...especially the cake for dinner thing. I treat myself and pamper myself occasionally....and usually do not let my kids see me doing these bad things. Gotta set a good example!! I have the lessons I learned from my parents engraved on my brain. I know the right things to do and I'm trying to instill those values in my kids too. If I let them eat candy and sweets as meals, even once in a while, they might start doing it more and more and set bad habits that will be hard to rectify later on. If they turn out like me, knowing these things are bad and only do them once in a while as a treat, I will have succeeded a parent!

My Baby is AWESOME!

Every parent should think their kid is the best. Kids need to feel like they are the center of our worlds and know they are important to us. But there is such a thing as too much adoration...when you can't see their flaws. And everyone has flaws.

I have two points to this post...so let's first look at real babies.

I think parents should think their kid is the cutest, smartest, most amazing being on the planet. But what happens when they think their every move is golden and they can do no wrong? I'm sure we've all experienced a parent like this: their kid is never the one to start fights on the playground, or if something gets broken, it wasn't their kid that did it. What they end up with is a kid, and someday an adult, who has a superiority complex and a feeling of entitlement. They never learn to take responsibility for their mistakes and will probably blame them on others. They never learn to play nice.

Now let's look at writer's babies....our manuscripts.

Just like real babies, we adore our manuscripts. They are the most fantastic stories we've ever read. We should have love for our words. But also just like real babies, if we can't see the flaws, we're in for a heap of trouble. No manuscript is perfect...ever. We need to be able to hand it off and take the critique seriously. If you approach your writing career like those snobby moms I talked about above, you won't get very far in this business.