Fear and preventing our kids from being terrorized by it.

Yesterday my son's principal sent home a letter explaining the drills they have been teaching the kids. This is preschool, mind you. They are showing the kids what to do when there is a lockout. The principal wanted us to talk to the kids and make sure they understood what was going on, etc... since they would be practicing the drills over the next couple weeks.

So I asked my son, who is 5, about the lockdown drills. He said, "We lock the door and go in the corner and be quiet so people can't see us from the window on the door. They'll think we went outside."

He said it with such nonchalance. It completely broke my heart to see him talking about something like this with such ease. But I guess I should be happy. He is learning to do these things without fear. He probably doesn't understand the reasoning for why they need to do it. They just need to do it. He doesn't seem anxious or scared. I guess that should give me some comfort. If there ever comes a time when he will need to do this, he will know what to do and will do it. I can't say he won't be scared, but he'll be prepared.

I'm sad that our children need to know these types of things. But it also reminds me of the stories my dad used to tell us. When he was a kid they'd had air raid drills. He'd had to get under his desk. So even  though 50+ years have passed, and even though the world has changed drastically, we're still having to prepare our children for the worst.

I try not to live my life in fear. I want my children to grow up without worry. I want them to live as normal a life they can. Be happy. Reach for their dreams. But I also try to teach them to be cautious. Be prepared.

Why being selfish makes you a good parent

I know many will not agree with this post, but these are my thoughts and feelings :)

These days it seems so many kids are just given things without earning them. They are never made to deal with their problems, and clean up their own messes. They're babied way past the infant stage.

I adore my kids and I love being a mother, but I will not baby my kids. I will not clean up all their messes. I will not do things for them that they can do themselves....or that they should be learning to do themselves. If this makes me a bad mother in your eyes, then there's nothing I can do to change that.

I know some some people may consider me a selfish person. I do things all by myself. I enjoy being alone, or just me and my husband. We like doing things without our kids. We spend money on ourselves. I like to wear nice clothes. I have hobbies I buy things for. I take a dance class. My husband likes to work on his hot rod and golf. It doesn't mean we love our kids any less by not spending every spare dime on them (Cause trust me, they have PLENTY!) I think it shows them a good example of making sure you cultivate your relationship with your spouse and also that you need to take time for yourself and treat yourself. I want my kids to grow up and know it's okay to do things just for them. Not all the time, but spoiling yourself is okay. More than okay. It's a necessary part of life. I think we're happier people, and happier parents, because we allow ourselves to still be us as individuals and as a couple. And I think that's a great example for kids.

I won't do things for my kids. I mean, yeah, if it's something they physically cannot do, I do it, but most things, I make them do themselves. My daughter is almost 10. She can get her own beverages, her own snacks. I don't need to do that for her anymore. She can clean her own room. She can hang up her own coat. Though I do fold the laundry, she has to put hers all away. But I'm sure soon that will change! LOL! When it comes to school work, she must do it all on her own. I won't help, other than to try and explain things and help her come up with the answer on her own. I never spell words for her if she asks. I say "How do you think it's spelled?" And she'll tell me. If it's wrong, I help her sound it out and figure it out on her own. (Cause let's face it, the english language is pretty damn confusing sometimes!) I think too many kids are waited on hand and foot. I want my kids to be mature responsible people...not lazy bums who will always expect to be waited on. And hopefully my example will show them they should not be the one waiting on people either.

I truly believe when a parent does too much for their kids, they are providing them a serious disservice. I feel my job as a parent, after love and affection, is to prepare my kids for their life. I can only shelter them for so long. There will come a time when they will need to survive on their own. It's my job to give them the skills to aid in that. And learning by example and experience is the only true way to learn anything.

Life: Pre and Post Parenthood :)

Sometimes I sit here and think of how EASY life was before we had kids. We went where we wanted, when we wanted. We saw every new movie, we hung out with our friends every weekend. On our days off we did absolutely nothing if we wanted...just sat and watched TV...the shows WE wanted to watch. The house was clean 95% of the time.

Every decision we made we only had ourselves to think about. I was just talking with a friend today about the things we used to buy pre-children. We were talking about furniture. When hubby and I got married way back in 1998, we bought these awesome cream couches with a coordinating accent chair. To go with them, wrought iron glass topped tables. Not the ones where the glass is encased in wood. These were just a piece of glass laid over the wrought iron, some little rubber things to keep it from moving around. They were so cool. So chic.

And then we got a dog, who slobbered on the tables constantly. And put his dirty paws on the furniture. And then we had a kid, who spilled things on the couch and we had to get rid of the glass so she wouldn't fall on it and slash her head open. We were pretty darn crafty though and after taking the glass off, attached foam-covered plywood and covered it with fabric for a DIY ottoman.

A few years later we moved and had a second kid. We were FAR smarter with our furniture purchases this time around- dark brown micro fiber couches and chair and a matching ottoman :) I love that furniture, and for more than just the fact that it is easy to clean and no one will die if they fall on it. It's way comfy!

Now this post may be read by non-parents and they may say, "That's why I'm not having kids!" Yeah, it is a major lifestyle change, and not all of it is pleasant. There's lots that is unpleasant. But my kids are the light of my life. They have improved my life in so many ways. We may not be able to hang out and drink every Saturday night with our friends anymore, but we can go to bounce houses and jump around and not look like pedophiles! We get to enjoy so much in life through the eyes of our children, things we would never do as adults, simply because we just wouldn't think of them. The zoo, the children's museum, pumpkin picking, holiday festivals to see Santa, the circus, Disney movies, Disney on Ice! And yes...I'm gonna say it: Chuck E. Cheese. We have just as much fun as the kids! I swear, my husband won them a solid 500 tickets on the basketball game last time! Life as a parent is hard, but it's so great too!

And when times get really rough, I think about when it was just me and hubby. And I know we'll get back to that. It's a few years away, but little by little, it's coming. Our son is in preschool now, so on days when hubby is off from work mid week-which is often-guess what?? Date for me and him! But I won't wish away this time. The kids are only little once. We try to enjoy every phase as much as we can. Take full advantage of it all.

Balance

Life is all about balance, at least for me anyway. I strive to find the middle ground between what I want to do, what I should do, what needs to be done. I truly believe it's the best way to be happy. And my idea of balance is probably different from others...but I feel it's important to find your own balance and make your life as happy and stress free as you can :)

One thing people struggle with, especially moms, is the balance between careers and family. I'm lucky in that I was able to achieve the perfect balance, in my opinion, anyway :) I knew years ago that when we had kids, I wanted to stay home with them. Not a stay at home mom--not that there's anything wrong with that at all--but it's not me. I knew I would still need the satisfaction and accomplishment of a career. But I also wanted the accomplishment of raising my kids myself. Not that I see anything wrong with moms who choose to have a career outside the home and hire a caregiver for their children. But for me, the perfect balance was being home with the kids, but also pursing a successful fulfilling career. I was in a line of work that allowed me that luxury, so I took full advantage and worked from home. It wasn't without it's drawbacks, of course. I did earn less money than I would have staying at my job. But for me, the benefits outweighed the loss of income. I was happy, the kids were happy, hubby was happy. It gave our life a flexibility we wouldn't have had otherwise, especially with the work schedule my husband has--he doesn't have a typical 9-5 weekend off kind of job. For us it was the perfect balance. It's changed a bit over the years and I've changed careers, but it still works.

Another place in life I feel that needs balance is diet and exercise. Obviously it is not in anyone's best interest to eat fatty sugary foods all day every day. It leads to a slew of health problems. But in my opinion, eating what I like is a big part of being happy. I openly admit it- I love to eat awesome food!!!! I'm so not an eat bland food all day every day kind of gal. I like sweet things. I like rich things. I love cheesy things!!! But of course I don't eat them everyday. And I work hard finding new recipes to make and find things we love that are lower in calories and fat. I also go to the gym and exercise very regularly to keep my body healthy. Its good for my heart and off sets the splurge meals I eat occasionally. For me, it's a perfect balance.

Another area of life that needs balance is work and play. Working all day everyday is not good for you, and neither is playing all day every day. We need to work, but we also need to play. Work, obviously, we need to do to earn money to pay for the necessities in life. Play is essential for lowering stress and relaxation, our mental health. Finding the balance is sometimes hard. But I make time for fun, even if it means letting the dishes and laundry pile. I'll never get this time back with my kids. I'll never be this age again and able to enjoy everything. I don't want to be 80 and look back, regretting that I did not make enough time to enjoy myself and my life.

So, how about you guys?? Do you struggle with balance, or have you found it?