Monday, May 4, 2009

How does a shy person become bold???

I'm gonna try and figure out the answer to that.

I love the Internet. I feel very bold on the Internet...I say what's on my mind. In person, not so much. Am I a coward... possibly. I guess it depends on your definition.

In person, if someone doesn't like what you have to say, they are there in your face. I am not a fan of confrontation. In face to face situations, I often say things I don't really mean and not just in argumentative situations. In all sorts of situations. The thoughts in my head get jumbled and I never get them out fully. Quite frankly, I feel like an idiot. I always go over the conversations afterward and think of all the things I could have said and how much I could have improved on what I did say. Is this the writer in me, the need to constantly edit????

But anyway, on the Internet, whether it be a blog post, email, Facebook update, I can think about my statement and it comes out exactly how I want it to....even if I have to write and delete and write again.

So back to my original question. With all of this other stuff going on with me, can I overcome it and be the person I want to be? I want to be bold. I want to get myself out there and be respected. I tell myself I can and will. I think my public speaking is improving. I've been reading at live literary events for a while now. I was even asked to be the featured reader last month at The Screening Room. Quite the honor that was. I went over my time and ended up reading for over a half hour. But I had a sheet of paper in front of me. I wasn't just talking to the crowd. Baby steps.


  1. Hi Stephanie, I got to your blog via Give a Girl a Pen.

    That is one of the nice things about being a writer, you can be whatever you want in your head. My MC is totally direct, something I am not. But I think I'm more so now that I've experienced her in my mind. Does that make sense? Anyway, being "bold and beautiful"- always something to aspire to!

  2. Can I offer you this observation?

    You ask "how does a shy person become bold"....Well, you already are taking those steps!!! You don't need to ask-you are DOING it already!

    Look at the progress you've made! You said it yourself! Reading at various events, putting your writing OUT there, taking risks.

    As you read in my blog, I'm fairly confrontational by nature. Not aggressive, but not afraid to speak my mind. I DO however, and maybe it's the writer in ME lol, think about what I said after and what I could have added or how I could have said something "better." I think that's just human nature.

    But being bold doesn't mean being confrontational. It's stepping out of your comfort zone. You, my friend, are already there!!!

  3. Thank you Tracey! I have come a long way from where I was...I hope to keep moving forward!

    Joyce...great to meet you! And I have done the same...the MC in my second novel is very bold and daring...extremely sassy and very open, sexually...she said things I NEVER would say...I remember times reading an excerpt at my writers group and some of the language I skipped over...cause I just couldn't say the words out loud!! But it was so nice to write a character like that and I agree....the confidence does rub off a bit...until I received rejection after rejection for that story anyway!

  4. I used to be exactly the same way. I'd get so nervous and feel like I was on the spot when I had to speak in public. It's still a problem for me in many confrontational situations, but I've made some great progress. For me, a key realization was that the time scale in your head is much more exaggerated than what the other person is experiencing. You may feel like you are taking forever to come up with something to say, when in fact it's just a second. Daring to allow myself to slow down has helped me relax and think a bit so that I can come up with something. The second thing that's helped me is just that I allow myself to be more sincere. If you don't feel the need to filter yourself whenever you have a thought, you won't have to "revise" so much before you speak. Just by thinking about this stuff is probably already making you better at it!

  5. Thanks Davin! When I first started reading my work at these literary readings, I would basically get up there, say hello, read my piece and say thank you. Now I try to say a little something and be myself as much as possible. I was a co-host a few months back and had to introduce the open readers...I was told I did really well, and that led to my invitation to be a featured reader. The more I do it the better I'm getting at it! I think back to oral reports in high school...oh the horror!!! I know I've come a long way from that!

  6. I'm shy, too, but not nearly as shy as I used to be. As a kid and even in my twenties I was painfully shy. I couldn't think of what to say unless I knew someone well. I still have moments like that. I almost quit my day job when they included being on customer service phones as one of my duties. Can you believe I'm now the Customer Service Manager? LOL

    I'm shy and often can't think what to say on writers' loops. I want to participate more but often I can't think how to reply to the subject in a meaningful way and so I stay mum.

  7. Anand
    shy is one the good quality of human being. Being shy stops u doing sinfull deed. when u support a lot to shyness too much the person becomes week. But how does one become courageous person ? Courage is a quality that we have to build up in our personality. It begins in mind. so first step to be build up mental thought like " I am courageous ( BOLD ) and confront any difficult situation ". I hope this helps u....... Dress up professional, talk with greate confidance in ur voice will solve ur 40 % of problem. also understand the talk trap and handel carefully.

  8. WOw!!Ur blog is just beautiful...keep up the good work

  9. im too EXACTLY in the same boat as you. my heart comes to my mouth when something goes wrong. i longingly look at ppl who can speak their mind. i wish i become BOLD.

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