Friday, December 2, 2011

First-hand experience a must???

So I've been thinking. And I wonder what you guys think. Can someone without first hand experience really give advice???

I choose to have a female gynecologist. I'm just more comfortable...I feel more relaxed and can better explain my problems. I'm not convinced a man can relate to my problems. A man does not know what a yeast infection feels like or the pains of pregnancy and child birth. I don't doubt their education and knowledge of the female body, but they just don't have first-hand experience.

Several of my friends have talked about attending Pre-Cana classes in their Catholic churches before being allowed to marry there. I think pre-marital counseling is a fantastic idea before committing to someone, but I'm not convinced a priest is the best person for the job. He's never been married. How can he give advice on how to sustain a healthy commitment? I think some may argue that he is "married" to the church and to God, but that's not the same in my book. God isn't leaving his dirty socks on the floor or leaving the toilet seat open even after repeated requests to not do it. And I'd feel the same of a professional marriage counselor outside the church who was not married.

And while our pediatrician is single and has no children, I completely trust her medical advice, but behavioral advice, advice on potty training....not buying it 100%. She hasn't been there.
What do you guys think? Do you take advice from someone who has never been in your shoes?? 


  1. As far as doctors go, I prefer men. I feel like women look at other women, roll their eyes and tell them to suck it up. Men have NO IDEA what our pain feels like but it must be bad for us to go to the doctor, so they're more sympathetic.

    In many cases, book knowledge doesn't replace experience, but I also believe that we learn from the people around us. I don't have children, but I have experience with children and I have nieces and nephews. I hate when my experiences are blown off simply because I can't check the box next to other's requirements. Maybe I've not stood in their shoes but I'm not an idiot.

  2. I am not implying you are an idiot at all, but there is a big difference between spending time with kids, even if often, and being a parent who is there day in and day out, 3 am puking, temper tantrums, bullying, crying over something that they can't explain to you, especially when they're babies, being a new mom and trying to figure out breastfeeding and dealing with the pain and difficulty that comes with it. When I'm seeking advice, I want it from someone who has been in the situations I have.

    Everyone has their preferences when it comes to doctors...I have never felt insensitivity with a female doctor.

  3. That's a really interesting post. I think I tend towards choosing people who've been in my shoes, but I don't think that's always the best.

    For my first two pregnancies I had women doctors. They were very cold and unfeeling, rushed, "suck it up" kind of people. My third was a male, who I was sent against my will to because he specialized in high-risk pregnancies, and he was amazing. He was gentle and caring and fatherly and did his darndest to make sure everything went well for me. He "fixed" in the operating room what the first doctor's screwed up, and then saved my life when I bled out.

    And yet - when we moved... I chose a woman gyn. Go figure.

    I think it's not so much an experience thing as an individual thing. There are plenty of parents I know who I would never take parenting advice from, and a few childless people who would have made awesome parents and whose advice I value.

  4. I guess it depends on the situation. Sometimes, I would just assume the person didn't know what they were talking about b/c they'd never been there and others a fresh perspective unbiased by experience might be nice...On another note, at least here when you do Catholic premarital counseling the priest just tells you to. A married couple actually counsels you.

  5. I have had both male and female obgyns. The females have more of a "suck it up" attitude and the guys have been a little more delicate.
    Then again, I am more open and honest with a female when talking about delicate issues.
    At this point, I don't really care if the Dr. is a male or female.
    As to pediatrician, have you ever noticed that the experts in everything are the people who have not actually experienced it? (my sister who doesn't have kids knows everything about parenting)
    I love our pediatrician. He has 3 boys. I have 2 girls -- so he hasn't personally had to deal with some girly things, but I still trust him.