Some people say "People never change." I really don't believe that. I think people can change for the better if they want to. Bad habits can change if people give it their all and really want to change.
And I don't know a single person who can say they don't know someone who has changed for the worse at some point in their life.
But what about when people change and it's not good or bad, just different? Sometimes people do change and they may be the person they want to be and all, but they've changed so much that other people can't connect or identify with them anymore. People who were once the best of friends no longer are...they just don't have the common ground anymore.
I have a group of friend and I honestly wanted to be tightly wound with these women for the rest of my life. On many occasions I'd envisioned us in our 70's still getting together, still laughing, still enjoying ourselves and going on adventures. But now it seems the dream is fading. I don't feel as connected to all of them anymore. They've changed.
I guess I can't say that I haven't changed. I hope I am becoming a better person. That's my goal. But I want to still be the same person too.
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When I started reading this post, I couldn't help but think of that argument in Bridesmaids where Annie and Helen are going at it about whether or not people change. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you're right--sometimes the change is not for better or worse, it's just differences. If a friendship is based on where we are in our lives at that time, not deep "who we are" things like personalities, religion, and the like, it could be one of those friendships we see posts about on Facebook--the "seasonal" relationship. Especially if the "where we are" changes.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this, but it does take us by surprise sometimes. The easiest examples for me to think of are people I've worked with at other jobs, who are now simply acquaintances. But...I do have several very dear friends who I still keep in contact with from one job in particular, who I'll never trade in for anything.
And by the same token, a childhood friend who was my "BFF" until we were mid-thirties, is now someone who I only have very occasional contact with on FB, because we're such different people--always were, but we'd been close and were in the same situations for so long, it didn't matter. Kinda makes me sad.
Exactly. It's easy to explain the job thing...been there, done that. When you spend 8 + hours a day with a small group of people, you get very close.
ReplyDeleteBut other friends.....it's just not as easy to explain. And like I said, the changes aren't bad or good, but things are just different and the relationship is different.
I know I have changed, for the better I hope, but I wonder if other people think I have changed for the worse. I feel my connections with my friends slipping....not sure what to do. If there is anything to do.