Switching careers....pretty scary.....

I'm sure we all remember back to high school when we had to fill out college applications and choose a major. If you think about it, it's pretty ridiculous to ask a 17-year old what they want to do with the rest of their lives. We mature so much after high school and our tastes change.

I had lots of interests back then. But I was lucky. I attended a vocational high school and already had more than 3 years of vocational education under my belt when I filled out college applications. I had already known one thing I definitely liked to do- floral design.

My high school was not one you just went to. Growing up in a large city- Buffalo, NY- there were many high schools to choose from. You had to apply, just like college. Of course, every neighborhood had their district school, where you went if you didn't get into your 1st, 2nd or 3rd choice schools. But you didn't want to go there unless you had to. There were so many other schools to pick from: a couple vocational schools, a technological school, a performing arts school, more... I chose McKinley High School and its Horticulture program. I can't even begin to tell you why...I was 13 and it sounded fun. But I've always been an artsy craftsy kind of person and came to find a real love for floral design.

But by the beginning of my senior year, there were other things I liked too.

I was the reporter for the FFA chapter at my school. I loved writing about club happenings and seeing my name in lights (or rather black print) in small local publications and also a state-wide paper. I won the NY State FFA Reporter's Award that year. I applied to two different colleges- Alfred Sate College for Floriculture Merchandising (to learn to run a flower shop), and Buffalo State College for Journalism.

I chose Floriculture and to this day have no real reason as to why.

I graduated with honors from Alfred State College and went on to work at a couple different flower shops, settling at one and became one their top employees- trusted with most of the shop's displays and about 95% of wedding work (my favorite!) I left there to start my own home-based business when my daughter was born and thoroughly enjoyed that. I wanted to be one of the top wedding florists in Buffalo! And I wanted to add Bridal Consultant to my title as well.

But reality set in and the insane amount of hours I put in was not matched by dollar signs.

And I started writing again.

I finished my first novel and felt so incredibly accomplished. All I wanted to do was write! My love for my floral business started to fade even though I forced myself to go on. My heart was not in it anymore.

Then I had to make a decision....one that was much easier than I thought it would be. I thought my husband would fight me on giving up my income, as little as it was. But he didn't. I officially gave up the business and made plans to pursue a writing career full time. I was due with our second child and we decided I had a 5-year time limit to make it as a writer. And when I say "make it", that meant I had to be bringing in some kind of money. If I didn't make that happen before my son went off to full day kindergarten, I would have to go out and get a part time job. And I did not want that at all.

So here I am...my son just turned two. My debut novel, A Bitch Named Karma, will be out this year from Lyrical Press. I am determined to be successful. People often comment on my determination....as terrifying as it was to go from a sure-thing career to one that "might" happen one day, I just cannot let myself be a failure.

Read something yesterday that disturbed me....

I was checking out the Romance Writers of America website. Now that I have realized what I write is indeed romance...I need to learn and research as much as I can. I took a trip to the library yesterday and brought home four romance novels. I need to see what's out there and see where my writing fits, if it does fit at all.

So anyway, I was on the RWA site and clicked on a link that took me to a page for local chapters. I found there is one in western NY. So I clicked on it and each writer introduces themselves and says a little about what they do, where they are in the quest for publication, etc... One women's bio shocked me and gave me a reality check. No, reality crushed me like a monster truck barreling over a Geo Metro. The women said she found RWA in 1989 and immediately joined....she still is not published. This is 2009......she's been on this quest for 20 years!!!!!!

I can't help but fear that will be me. I'll be 40, 50, 60 years old and wonder what the hell happened. I hate the thought of being 80 and having regrets...I try my best to live my life that way. But what if I never find the career success I want??